Thursday, September 24, 2009

Lilly's birthday and both of her first days of school, plus a huge parental lightbulb


So this post is way late, but finally I have the time. Lilly turned seven (!) on September 5th. She had a great day, and has become quite a kid. I don't exactly know when that happened, one day she was a tiny peanut and today, an amazingly long, athletic half grown human. She continues to be perhaps the most giving child I have ever met. She is always helping her sisters (and friends) to understand things, she reads to them every day, and lets them sleep in her bed when they are frightened of things and does it all genuinely, with no thought of what she could get by doing it. I am so proud of her and her sweet self.

When Lilly was in kindergarten, she went to a close by neighborhood school. She really liked it, but was not challenged academically at all. She was one of two kids in her class who could read, and she had met all of her kindergarten goals by November. Her teacher used her as more of a helper, rather than help her further her own learning. That was okay, but we wanted more for her. We found this program in another public school in our town that was supposed to be amazing. It was all child led learning, hands on etc. Lilly hated it. Hated it. She didn't want to go, she did not like most of the kids, said they were bossy, did not like anything about it there. I will admit, the energy there was tense. I never really felt super comfortable there, either, but sort of dismissed it (big mistake). So nothing terrible ever happened, but it just wasn't a great fit. I just figured she was having a hard time transitioning, and that it would get better. She would be sad at the end of the day, and not be happy to go in the morning. When school got out, she became happier. I thought the summer would change something, but as school approached, she started getting antsy. On the first day, there was no excitement, no looking forward to seeing everyone. Nothing. Will picked her up after school and said she was miserable. It was at that point that a light bulb went off in my head. I guess it was more like someone slapped me in the side of the face. I asked her if she wanted to go back to her old school, and she said yes with such emphasis that I was shocked. Why did it take me so long to figure this out? I have no idea. I think I was blinded by what that program was supposed to be, not what it was. We weighed our options, better academics (by how much we couldn't be completely sure) but an unhappy child, versus a happy kid with little challenge in class. We decided it was so much better to have a happy, comfortable kid who was bored in school than a miserable kid who was challenged academically. I decided that if she wasn't challenged in her new (old) school I would pick up the slack myself and actually put my teaching degree to work. Lilly went to her second first day of school at her new (old) school and came home a different kid. She was happy, all the tension had drained from her body, and she was her old (old) self. I finally realized what she needed, and fixed it for her. I feel so badly that it took me so long to realize something that was so simple to see. I am trying to do my best as a Mom, and think this has really made me realize that I have to trust myself and my kids more that anything that is supposed to be good. It was one of the best realizations I have ever had.

6 comments:

Joanna said...

Maria - I am so glad you followed your heart on this one. My mom pretty much had to force me to go to school for years because I was so miserable there. I don't think I ever actually said that I didn't like it, and she never figured out why I had so many stomach aches. If Lilly is happy, then you can make everything else work around that.

Beth said...

You have shown again what a wise and thoughtful parent you are. (And Will, too!) I think my reaction would have been the same as yours--I want my boys to be challenged and stimulated and to have the best educational experience available. But at what cost? The educational experience is so much more than simply academic. Thanks for sharing your lightbulb moment with us, and don't beat yourself up for not seeing it sooner. It's so hard to know what's really best. Only experience gives the ability to make those decisions.

Mel said...

Great lightbulb moment. Sounds like she will thrive so much more in her happy school environment.

Julie said...

I really really like this post Maria. I think there is so much pressure for academic success, but like Beth said, the educational experience is far more than just academics. As long as the boredom doesn't make her act out or become uninterested in learning, it sounds like she is thriving. Thanks for sharing this with us.

Maria said...

Thanks everyone. It feels so good to have
great moms think we made the right decision. It gets rid of so much of the question out of it. You guys are great.

Heidi O said...

I am going through this myself with my 3 yo and preschool. It is only the 3rd week of school and she seems happy when I pick her up and was excited to go to her brother's school but there are still some mornings where she doesn't want to go. I am trying to give it a chance before we go switching things up.
I am glad though that you have sorted it out for her. To have her happy is really important and like you wrote you can help challenge her.